Top Ten ‘To Dos’ to Support a Healthy Relationship

  • Print Page

By Kim Olver
Special to

Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a relationship coach, I have developed Top 10 Lists---one for men and one for women on 10 things to do and not to do in relationships.


MEN: Dos
  1. Just listen to your partner without offering advice.
  2. Trust and respect her.
  3. Treat her as an equal partner in your relationship.
  4. Stay and support her when she gets emotional. She is looking for understanding, not solutions.
  5. Continue your courtship even after she’s committed to you. Continue to create romance in your relationship.
  6. Do little things on a regular basis. A woman doesn’t care if you call her at work to say, “I love you” or if you buy a new TV for the living room. The small things are worth just as much as the big ones.
  7. Honor any agreements you have made with her.
  8. Encourage her goals and direction.
  9. Find out what your partner would like to do and then do it with her.
  10. Say, “I’m sorry” when you’ve done something you regret or that was hurtful to your partner, whether intentionally or unintentionally.


Men and women have different communication styles, different needs and desires and different relationship challenges. Learning these differences can assist us in strengthening the relationships we have now and in the future. John Gray began this revolutionary discovery in his book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. The Women’s list follows:


  1. When you want more quality time with your man, make the time you do have as positive as possible.
  2. Trust and respect him.
  3. Stop nagging.
  4. Allow your partner time away from you without giving him the third degree.
  5. Appreciate the little things he does for you and tell him so.
  6. Make love creatively and often. Don’t be afraid to initiate lovemaking.
  7. Honor any agreements you have made with him.
  8. Support his goals and direction.
  9. Ask for what you want! (Believe it or not, no matter how much he loves you, he really can’t read your mind.)
  10. Accept his “No” gracefully, trusting that he would if he could.

Take charge and take control of your life. Learn some new ways to improve the relationship you are already in or to prepare yourself for being a better, improved partner for the next person in your life.


Kim Olver has a graduate degree in counseling. She is a National Certified Counselor and a licensed professional counselor in two states. She has worked in the helping profession since 1982 and has spent her entire life helping people get along better with the important people in their lives. Kim works with couples and individuals who are trying to deepen their understanding of their relationship patterns and to move closer to the important people in their lives.